shake the rainwater out of your fur
BEFORE going inside

scootch your bottom along the grass,
NOT the carpet, to rid hangers-on

in the house:
if there is NO doorbell,
do NOT bark each time you hear one on TV

do NOT suddenly stand straight up
while lying under the coffee table

the litter box is NOT a cookie jar

keep toys from behind the fridge

the sofa is NOT a face towel

do NOT eat the cats' food,
before or after they eat it.

do NOT wake mommy with a
cold wet nose up her bottom

underwear:
do NOT steal mom's and go dance all over the yard

do NOT play tug-of-war with dad's
when he's on the "john"

do NOT drop soggy tennis balls in
someone's who is on the "john"

in the car:
do NOT throw up