In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a non-smoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."

On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."

On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."

On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman,
and the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"